YKINMKBYKIO: I don’t understand it, but I like it!

Author: KatKristall
A to Z | Basics

/jeɪ keɪ aɪ ɛn/ What?

YKINMKBYKIO, that means:


Loosely interpretated, it means: “Even if i don’t understand or like your sexual preferences, i respect them.” This principle seems a little awkwardly worded, but it gets to the heart of the matter: namely acceptance within the BDSM scene. What is meant is this: Even if a fetish, a kink, a preference seems very special and incomprehensible or goes beyond someone else’s spectrum, it is still not to be condemned. YKINMKBYKIO is the direct opposite of kink-shaming. A similar principle is: “Don’t yuck on my yum.”

BDSM is diverse and not everyone can like or understand everything. This is precisely why it is important to have integrity within the community. Educating vanillas and developing visibility and acceptance is only sufficient to a limited extent. Without understanding and tolerance, no healthy community can grow. With this principle, we are developing an ethical and correct BDSM community.

Why do we need YKINMKBYKIO?

Even within the BDSM community, the devaluation of certain practices is a common problem. Although kinksters themselves are a marginalized group, there is also a lot of stigmatization and prejudice. In particular, kinks such as ageplay, DD/lg or rape play, forms of lifestyle such as TPE (total power exchange) or fetishes such as a preference for excrement are the subject of fierce controversy and even collective rejection.

The problem: kink-shaming fuels the fear of rejection. Those affected are less and less confident about talking about it, sharing their preferences and insecurities. Their own shame and inhibition threshold is high, especially when it comes to particular kinks. But only through the understanding, support and encouragement of the kinky community one can learn to deal with preferences. That’s why YKINMKBYKIO is a great movement within the community. Because it shows mutual support and encouragement, even for preferences that you don’t share yourself.

What to consider with YKINMKBYKIO

YKINMKBYKIO is not an absolution for any behavior within the BDSM community. Firstly, the principle does not mean that generally wrong, hurtful, or negative behavior should be reinforced or tolerated. Secondly, it also does not mean that with fetishes or fantasies that endanger others or involve them against their will, alarm bells shouldn’t ring. And certainly, the principle does not mean that with this attitude one must try out or accept all preferences for themselves.

Because giving each person the space they need for their own sexuality does not mean wanting to claim that space for oneself. Every BDSM practitioner and kinkster sets their own boundaries and limits. Just because you accept and don’t judge someone else’s doesn’t mean you have to shift your own. And you also don’t have to listen to them if it becomes too much for your own comfort.

You’re kinky and want to show it? How about a hoodie, t-shirt, sweater, or cap? In the Deviance Shop, you’ll find a wide selection of everyday clothing as well as home accessories with the motifs “kinky,” “Kink,” “Kinkster,” and the subtle version “knky.”

Do you like what you see? You can find these and many more clearly ambiguous designs on a wide range of products from shirts and tops to sweaters and hoodies, as well as caps and home accessories in the Deviance Shop! #ExpressYourKink

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