What is BDSM?

Four letters, six terms…

The acronym comes from the initials of the English terms “Bondage and Discipline”, “Dominance and Submission”, “Sadism and Masochism”. Together they cover a range of interrelated sexual practices that the general public considers unusual. From the outside, BDSM play strikes many as hard to understand given its perceived intensity, and it carries a lot of prejudice because it doesn’t fit the picture of sexuality as a loving act. In reality, BDSM is much more than the mere exercise of physical or mental force and the application of pain. On the contrary: this kind of eroticism presupposes a deep bond and an informed relationship between the participants.

On Deviance it’s about everyone who, voluntarily and fully aware, enters from a position of equality into a power imbalance from which all sides derive pleasure. Only someone who can adequately judge the consequences of their consent can agree to consensual play. That is why we recommend that everyone — every kinkster and kinkster-to-be — inform themselves thoroughly.

What is there to know about the acronym BDSM?

The six terms describe a whole spectrum of physical and psychological practices grounded in a consciously created, agreed-upon power imbalance between two or more people. As a rule, this imbalance is preceded by careful conversations about the desired and undesired practices before the actual play begins.

All of the practices can serve to heighten sexual pleasure and arousal, but they don’t have to. Since the areas blend into one another, the many concrete practices can rarely be assigned to a single sub-area of BDSM, and very few enthusiasts practise one aspect in its pure form, so we’ll keep it short:

The B in BDSM: bondage

Bondage is above all about restraint practices of various kinds, with the more or less pronounced goal of immobilising the other person or oneself and giving sexual pleasure both to the one who is tied and to the one who ties. This includes, for example, ties with ropes, handcuffs, leather cuffs or spreader bars, but also bondage furniture such as stocks or a Saint Andrew’s cross. Especially widespread in the BDSM scene is Japanese “shibari”, a particular style of bondage in which one ties artistically and mindfully with specific ropes and according to specific rules.

The first meaning of the D: discipline

In BDSM, discipline describes a preference in which the discipline or punishment of a partner is used for mutual pleasure. This includes body-focused SM practices — for example with toys like whips, canes or the bare hand — as well as other kinds of punishment, such as rules being set and enforced.

An inseparable pair: dominance and submission

Dominance and submission revolve around the conscious, consensual creation of unequal power relationships in the play of two or more partners. The power imbalance can exist for a short period, during a session, or even as the basis of an entire relationship. The range is very broad and individual. Dominance and submission emphasise above all the psychological aspects of a power relationship and, unlike sadism and masochism or even bondage, can play out entirely in the mind. The dominant partner, often called a dom or top, leads the play opposite their submissive partner, the sub or bottom.

A special case within this dom/sub split are the switches, who can take on both roles at different times or with different people.

S and M: short for sadism and masochism

Also strikingly known as “sadomasochism”, the combination of sadism and masochism describes the probably best-known sub-area of BDSM, with which public perception often equates it. In essence, sadomasochism is a sexual variation in which a person derives pleasure from inflicting or receiving pain. It therefore often involves impact implements such as whips or canes. Unlike discipline, where pain is more a means to an end, in sadomasochism the eroticisation of the pain itself takes centre stage.

The term is clearly distinct from violence, which — unlike sadomasochism — happens without consent. Sadomasochists are psychologically normal people who, contrary to the prejudice, do not tend towards violence and live their less conventional sexuality with complete free will.

What to keep in mind in BDSM

Prior agreements between the participants are important: how far things may go, which practices are included, which are not and, above all, to what end. That’s why it is enormously important to first get clear about your own needs and be able to articulate them. Which sub-area of BDSM they belong to plays a rather secondary role for the execution and the experience.

Far more important is talking in detail about the participants’ wishes, the course of the planned activities and their limits. Shame and social desirability are out of place in such a conversation. While safer sex should be a given, BDSM activities also require additional safety measures that the participants should familiarise themselves with thoroughly. Communication and safety come first in BDSM.

Anyone entering a power imbalance must also be free to revoke their consent at any time, for example with the famous safeword. In BDSM, too, it pays — as so often in life — to listen to your own instincts. If something doesn’t feel right for whatever reason — a conversation, an action or a person — it’s better to step away immediately.

That’s the essentials. As mentioned, the spectrum is very broad and the terms can hardly be delimited from one another. Sometimes it isn’t even entirely clear what counts as a kink, what as a fetish and what as vanilla. Anyone who wants to know more about BDSM will find plenty of useful information on the different preferences, fetishes, roles, the BDSM scene and many other tips in this magazine.

The most popular kinds of BDSM

Discover the colourful world of BDSM.

1. Spanking: beat on beat to ecstasy

Spanking means striking the buttocks, for example as a punishment or within a play scene. In a suitable position, the submissive person receives blows from the dominant partner with the flat of the hand or with a particular implement. Flogging counts as spanking too and can be grouped under the umbrella term “impact play”.

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2. Shibari: the mindful art of tying

Shibari is a special style of rope bondage in BDSM that developed out of hojojutsu, a Japanese military restraint technique. In Japan, what Europeans call shibari is known as kinbaku, a term that also comes up often in connection with bondage. Figuratively, shibari means something like “to tie”. It usually involves sensual ties in which the bound person is held in complex patterns.

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3. Ageplay: innocent game or perversion?

Ageplay is a type of role play in BDSM in which the participants pretend, or treat each other, as if they were a different age than they really are. While a person can also act older than they are, it is more common to play someone younger. Popular play ages are baby, child or teenager. Ageplay can contain a sexual element, but it doesn’t have to.

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4. Wax play: now it gets hot!

Wax play is a practice in the BDSM realm in which hot candle wax is dripped or poured onto the bare skin of a submissive person. Depending on the amount, individual drops are placed or a part of the body is covered with wax over a large area. The wax cools on the skin and hardens, creating a particular aesthetic. As in many practices, pain tolerance and the surrender that comes with it often play a role in wax play too.

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