What is a playparty?
As temperatures rise, so does the desire for new experiences. At first glance, “playparty” might sound like a children’s birthday celebration. However, in a BDSM context, instead of a bouncy castle, you’re more likely to find a St. Andrew’s cross, and sack racing might take on an entirely different meaning.
In short, a playparty is an event where people can engage in BDSM sessions or sexual activities in a public yet controlled setting. That’s the only essential criterion. Beyond that, the structure and atmosphere of a playparty can vary widely.
Most Playparties feature at least a lounge area, often accompanied by a dance floor. Some events lean more toward “play,” while others emphasize the “party.” Certain events section off dedicated play areas away from the music and dancing, equipping them with BDSM furniture and tools. Others take place directly in SM studios, where attendees have access to resting areas, food, and drinks.
There’s a broad spectrum of Playparties. Some focus on themed role-play, others on specific fetishes, while others welcome a mix of different practices. Some enforce strict dress codes, age requirements, or preferences regarding attendees’ characteristics and kinks. Additionally, the same playparty might be perceived very differently by each guest. That said, here are some fundamental aspects to consider:
Dress code at a playparty: anything or nothing
Many Playparties enforce a dress code, ranging from the club-style “anything but jeans and a t-shirt” to the classic “leather, latex, or lace” to, quite simply, “nothing.” Themed and costume-based dress codes are particularly popular, spanning everything from masquerade balls to CFNM (Clothed Female, Naked Male) or CMNF (Clothed Male, Naked Female) concepts.
For some events, the dress code is more than just aesthetics—it directly ties into the kinks and dynamics of the attendees. For example, latex-only Playparties require all guests to wear latex, often featuring play equipment tailored to latex lovers, such as vacuum beds or inflatable bondage cubes.
At CFNM/CMNF parties or “Stutenmarkt” events, clothing – or the absence of it – indicates a person’s role. Typically, naked attendees are submissive, while clothed guests take on dominant roles. In O-events, submissives may wear armbands or collars coded with colors similar to the Hanky Code, signaling their availability and interaction preferences for the evening.
By invitation only or just a few clicks away?
Most Playparties can be found online through forums and event platforms, especially recurring events held monthly, quarterly, or annually. Tickets are often just a few clicks away.
Other Playparties are invite-only, with access granted through local BDSM communities or munches. Many large BDSM groups and associations host their own events or assist in organizing local Playparties, typically requiring attendees to have participated in their community beforehand. Some parties allow members to recommend new guests, particularly those from different cities or groups.
Then there are the exclusive, closed Playparties—intimate gatherings that require a personal invitation. These often have highly specific themes and a carefully curated guest list. Invitations are extended only to known guests or those recommended by trusted members. Sometimes, prospective attendees must apply for a spot in advance.
What can you expect at a playparty?
What happens at a playparty depends on multiple factors:
- What type of event is it?
- What kind of setting does it provide?
- What do you want to do?
Following the motto “everything can, nothing must,” you can choose to simply observe or fully immerse yourself in the experience. The atmosphere and energy of the guests significantly shape the course and intensity of the night.
If you prefer to avoid explicit sexual activities or BDSM scenes, a playparty may not be the right event for you. While no one is forced to participate, certain Playparties involve sessions occurring in nearly every room by the end of the night. However, most events maintain designated quiet areas where play is not permitted. Alternatively, fetish parties provide a BDSM-friendly atmosphere with a stronger emphasis on socializing and aesthetics rather than active play.
Playparty Etiquette
For most people, playing in the presence of strangers—or even acquaintances—is not part of their everyday life. At home, routines are established, toys are placed in familiar spots, and dynamics are well understood. On a playparty, however, certain adjustments are necessary. Here are some essential guidelines:
Respect personal space and mark your own
A closed curtain or door signals the need for privacy—do not enter. If you’re playing in an open space, mark your area clearly, such as by placing a bag next to your scene setup, to prevent others from intruding.
Seek consent: Actively
If you’re interested in someone at the party, initiate a conversation first. Always seek explicit consent before touching, kissing, or engaging with someone. Even in spontaneous “Pick Up Play” scenarios, discussing limits and expectations remains essential. Additionally, aftercare should never be neglected, even in casual encounters.
Seek consent: Passively
If you wish to watch a scene, engage in self-touching while observing, or participate, always ask first. Phrases like “May I watch?”, “Is it okay if I touch myself?”, or “Would you like extra hands?” ensure mutual understanding. If you don’t want to disrupt the scene by speaking, establish brief eye contact with the dominant partner to signal your interest.
Everyone plays differently
BDSM encompasses an enormous range of practices. What seems strange to you might be completely normal to someone else. Preferences vary widely, and some kinks are less mainstream than others. As long as activities don’t disrupt the entire party, they should be respected. The guiding principle: YKINMKBYKIO – Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is okay! In short: Live and let play. Kink-shaming has no place here.
Clean up after yourself
A BDSM club has a lot in common with a gym: both involve sweaty, physically active people. Basic courtesy includes using a towel, disinfecting play furniture after use, and disposing of trash. Organizers typically provide disinfectants, wipes, and towels, but it’s wise to bring your own cleaning essentials in your party bag.
No photos, no videos
Unlike at fetish parties, where taking selfies in the club restroom might be acceptable, cameras and recording devices are strictly prohibited at Playparties. Violations can result in a ban or even legal consequences.
It’s All About the Mix
A playparty provides opportunities beyond what’s possible in private settings—whether due to specialized equipment, the presence of like-minded people, or the sheer energy of the space. It offers a chance for uninhibited exploration in an environment free from judgment. However, it’s never about pushing past personal boundaries. Watching, learning, or simply experiencing familiar dynamics in a new setting can make for an unforgettable night. Ultimately, it’s all about the right mix.
