Kinky – a bend in sexuality

Author: Marina
A to Z | Basics

What does “kinky” actually mean?

In general language usage, “kinky” describes sexual practices, concepts, or fantasies that are considered unusual by the majority. The word “kink” could also be interpreted as “curve” or “bend.” The usage is colloquial and is derived from the idea of a bend in sexuality, contrasting with socially accepted sexual behavior, which metaphorically forms a straight line.

In the 21st century, kink has replaced the medically negative term paraphilia, at least in everyday language. Within the BDSM scene, “kinky” is also the opposite of “vanilla,” a term that describes conventional sexual behavior. However, both terms are not very common outside of the sex-positive scene.

Who or what is kinky?

Where exactly vanilla ends and kink begins varies greatly from person to person and culture to subculture. Although the popular definition of kinky sex suggests that it involves bizarre and unusual acts, the term can describe a wide range of playful practices and fantasies.

This also includes practices that are not exclusively BDSM, but are still considered unusual or even repulsive by the majority, such as role play, the use of sex toys, swinger activities and group sex. While the boundaries for the latter are still fluid, the term is clearly used in the BDSM area both as a self-identification and as a reference to others. BDSM supporters in particular like to describe themselves as kinky or “kinksters” in order to differentiate themselves.

Although there is usually a sexual element when kink is mentioned, sexual intercourse is not necessarily necessary. For example, a dominatrix generally won’t have sex with her serf, but the power exchange is clearly kinky.

In addition, fetishes and actions related to them are also referred to as kinky, although the expression of a fetish is not always sexual in nature and can even replace interpersonal sexuality.

What you need to keep in mind when using the term

Kinky, like Vanilla, is primarily used to differentiate. Unfortunately, it is also often done to distinguish oneself from others. By emphasizing how kinky you are, you show that your sex life is more exciting, more developed, more complex. And in doing so, it may put other people under pressure. But sexuality is not a competition. It’s not about who is naughtier, more perverted or more crazy, it’s about everyone getting his or her fun out of what’s good for him or her.

Furthermore, as already mentioned, it is a highly subjective and therefore vague term. Just because someone else says he or she is kinky doesn’t mean it means the same thing. What kind of kink is it exactly? Spanking? Humiliation? Face slapping? Diaper fetish? Shibari? Or just light tying with a silk scarf and tickling with a feather?

Especially when getting to know someone, it can be a good indicator if someone says he or she is kinky. However, you shouldn’t rush in blindly, but rather find out in a detailed discussion whether it really fits at the application level.

Last but not least: While the beginning of “kinky” is fluid, its end is clear: If the “kinky” involves people becoming part of it against their will or without consent, threatening permanent harm, or abusing living beings in any other way, The cute-sounding word “kinky” is no longer used. Instead, you should definitely seek help.


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Do you like what you see? You can find these and many more clearly ambiguous designs on a wide range of products from shirts and tops to sweaters and hoodies, as well as caps and home accessories in the Deviance Shop! #ExpressYourKink

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