Tease and denial – Finding pleasure in frustration

Author: Lynn
A to Z | Kinks

What does tease and denial mean?

Tease and denial is a collective term for sexual practices that are used to intensely increase a person’s pleasure, but without experiencing an orgasm. Other common terms include “orgasm denial” or the abbreviation T&D.

These sexual varieties are independent of gender, preference or orientation. The effect of this arousal and denial of orgasm, which is usually repeated several times, is initially frustration and the longing for release in the form of an orgasm. The greatly increased sexual arousal following a T&D scenario leads to significantly more intense orgasms than with other practices.

Tease and denial is closely related to edging, as both practices involve stimulating a person until they are on the verge of orgasm. At this moment, however, the stimulation is stopped in order to withhold orgasm. Both practices belong to the general category of orgasm control.

Why do tease and denial?

Erotic sexual denial is often used by a dominant person to increase control over the submissive person. Because the submissive part is kept in a state of sexual sensitivity and heightened vulnerability, they are more likely to submit to the dominant part. Failure to comply with this agreement can lead to a longer period of refusal and the pain that this may entail.

Denial of orgasm is often accompanied by other forms of dominance or humiliation, such as punishment or reward. As such a tool, chastity games such as tease and denial can allow the Top to experience pleasurable and sometimes highly desired feelings of sexual control and erotic power. The submissive person experiences particularly intense feelings of sexual objectification and submission to the dominant person. T&D consolidates and strengthens the power imbalance and the bond in a D/s constellation.

The game can also be used to increase the Sub’s tolerance to physical stimulation, i.e. as training to hold back an orgasm. Conversely, it can also be a means of conditioning to make the Sub learn to orgasm on command in a certain amount of time.

What do “blue balls” have to do with it?

The repetitive stimulation can cause pain and a bluish discoloration of the scrotum in people with penises and testicles. This is known as “blue balls”. The cause lies in biology. The parasympathetic nervous system, stimulated by excitement, increases blood supply and venous outflow is hindered. The pressure can increase significantly and the accumulation of lymph fluid and blood in the scrotum increases. Venous blood is low in oxygen, just as the veins in our hands and arms shimmer bluish, the congested, oxygen-poor blood in the scrotum also produces this discoloration. In people with a vulva, the labia become purple with the same treatment and the labia also swell. This discoloration caused by pleasure is often viewed as an indication of a successful game of refusal and frustration.

More receptive to stimuli

A nice side effect of the tease and denial game is that the person being played with becomes significantly more receptive to stimuli and stimulation due to the lasting pleasure. Even a gentle touch is enough to make your desire skyrocket again. Images or described fantasies can also be used and the threshold of input required for states of arousal is significantly lowered.

There are usually three possible options for ending the T&D session. These are:

  • A ruined orgasm

  • The chastity posture, for example with subsequent locking in a chastity belt/cage/cuff or

  • The particularly intense orgasm

Whether an increased state of sexual excitement or as a means of erotic torment and humiliation – tease and denial can be used in a variety of ways, even outside of the BDSM context it can ensure intense orgasms in a relationship.

Discover more about

Share The Article

You could also be into